They say marriages are made in heaven, then why does an older woman marrying a younger man is often made an issue? We are mostly told that men should get married to women younger than them as women are far more emotionally mature and this makes for a good match. Actor turned humanitarian Somy Ali, who now runs her NGO, No More Tears, shares her viewpoint on this common belief.
“First of all, this theory is flawed because I was dating someone who was 27 while I was 17, and to say the least I was at the height of immaturity compared to my partner. Additionally it has been scientifically proven that the human brain does not fully develop till the age of 25. Thus, this theory is incorrect not to mention my relationship would be deemed illegal in many countries and I believe including India too given that I was a minor,” she says, hinting at her reported relationship with actor Salman Khan.
A person evolves and matures through hardships and experiences whether they are good or bad, shares Somy. Now as a middle aged woman, she does know that it’s not that women are more mature than men, it is more evident that women are emotionally stronger than men and can take hardships better than men can.
“Women can handle difficult situations and come to solutions quicker than men. That’s something I have observed and learnt over the years. It is not because women are stronger than men emotionally, but the reason is that they can tackle situations in a calmer manner as opposed to worrying about proving masculinity. This is again a pressure brought forth on men in our society or their parents. I can’t remember how many times my younger brother fell down while playing or running around the house and went crying to my parents and in return he was always told the same sentence, ‘boys don’t cry’. Whereas if I was hurt or fell down, my eyes yearned for my father to come and pick me up in his lap, which he did and comforted me by taking me for ice creams. Hence, double standards yet again,” she adds.
Taking her stand on the men-women age related discussion, she says, “I believe myself to be a diehard liberal and a feminist and as long as there’s nothing non-consensual or illegal taking place, I really don’t care about the age difference, be it a man or a woman. It goes both ways. If a woman wants to marry a younger man and he is not a minor, there is nothing wrong with it. And if a man decides which is highly common and known as a midlife crisis wants to marry a 25 year old woman and they have compatibility, I see no judgment from my end in that respect. It’s better than buying a red Porsche that a man typically does when he has a midlife crisis. Call me sexist, but I am merely stating the facts and what I have seen. Many men the minute they turn 45, become hunters and it’s either cars or women or both if they are wealthy. For some reason they immediately become discontent with the status quo and want something new and different. This applies to women too, but mostly it’s because they are not happy in their relationship or marriage. At that point in time, be it a man or a woman both should part ways amicably rather than leading miserable lives filled with lies while simultaneously causing severe turmoil to their children and the negativity permeating in the household.”
Talking from a statistics point of view, more men remarry younger women than women marry younger men. “Again, it’s all subjective, a woman should have every single right to marry a younger person if there is love and compatibility, but our society is quicker to place the blame on women before they do on men. We have a long way to go for ageism and sexism to be erased from people’s mindsets,” she ends.